Life goes by so quickly...

Holy cow its September already and I cannot believe
That my little girl is fourteen and taller than me its hard to conceive
The idea that I'm aging as my son leaves school with grades galore
And for the first time in ages his Dad is not the tallest in our clan

Of them I'm very proud and am very privileged to have them as friends
For those of you who don't know them you're missing out
As they're the best kids in the world I have no doubt
They're funny and smart and very gorgeous I gloat

I feel very contented with life at the moment
Things are going very well - bad stuff can get bent
We've been through some crap in our family of late
But lady luck now shines on us I see

I wish all my dear friends who have grief right now
The best of luck with their problems and how
You must think good things for I believe its true
That the power of good thoughts will get you all through

Finally, to my husband I say this with all my heart
Don't worry being fourty just means you're an old fart!

Three Weeks of Hell

What a great idea that boring, rainy day I had
I'll change the bathroom suite - the old one is bad
I wanted to keep the cost of it nice and low
So a brain wave I thought - I'll do it myself and take it slow

It took all of three weeks to get it done
Whilst working full time and forsaking any fun
I tried very hard not to burn the house down
With a gas powered blow torch - my hubbie did frown

He sat on his arse playing Xbox and eating lots of nice stuff
While I was working my arse off soldering pipes - no bluff
My knees were in pain and had dents in the middle of them
But all my darling hubby did was moan - he was such a gem!

Despite all the upset in the house for this time
I tried my best to finish it quickly [no hubby strangling - no crime]
The new suite is fab and the family love it
I shall be proud that I did it and maybe even gloat a bit

But for those of you thinking "I could do that"
Think again and heed my advice - on your arse you could be sat
While you pay some poor sod to do all that crap
And you could be sat there on Xbox and not in a flap ;-)

Over the hill

There it was a hill of great mass
I was hoping the walk would tone my ass
As I began to ascend my face glowed red
And all my blood rushed to my head

Daisy pretended to not notice my plight
I was gasping for breath or was it the height
Of the Wrekin which to me is ever so big
Especially as I'm as fat as a pig!

I struggled and wobbled to the top of that beast
It must have been the the McDonalds for lunch we did feast
Hollie showed concern she thought I would die
For ever on top of that hill I would lie

But I made it up and over that hill
And after swallowed a pain relieving pill
My legs did hurt and made me sway
But I felt much better the very next day

The memories of David hitting that dog
Makes my mind hurt and begin to fog
I made all of this up of course - I don't want a fight
I'm sure Daisy is keen I put right this wrong right

So I will oblige and correct you all
David was pratting around and not nasty at all
He's just a big kid who hangs off trees
And has crunchy, nobbly and painful knees

I look forward to walking again with my friends
Hopefully this time I will not get the bends
My lovely daughter is also our new walking pal
What can I say she a hell of a gal!

Induction

This week I suffered an induction course
The temptation to yawn an overpowering force
Though I struggled at times I enjoyed my time
Learning skills a new and new friends are mine

There was John a fish as mad as can be
And James both big softies that I could see
Through their playful behaviour and boyish fun
I knew they had good hearts - pardon the pun

I now know good things like CPR
So if you're in trouble I will not be far
For your sake though I hope its not your heart
That requires me to pump it and let me restart

I also know icky infection control
Those bugs are everywhere like a toilet bowl
I am paranoid now that my toothbrush is full
Of pee and shit when the toilet handle I pull

And then there was the woman who came out
And for policy writing at me she did shout
I was actually impressed at how brave
She was to do what she did and her life she did save

I really did like my induction course time
I listened to get those new skills of mine
So now it is back to my new spangled job
To earn all those pennies and a few hundred bob

Another Saturday Night in....

The hardest part of having sprogs
Is having no privacy - the little sods!
When you're feeling fruity and need the deed done
They're always awake and stop your fun

Now I'm not complaining they're my lovely kids
But sometimes you just have to get rid
Of the little angels to someone dear
So you can have your hubby near

When they're small and get very tired
To bed they go while you are wired
But when they get to the years of teenager
You might as well go celibate I'd wager

So you snatch what moments that you can
Together alone as fast as your man
Can manage to do it before they come back
And you must get out of the marital sack

And pretend the house you've been busy cleaning
Your red face from fast work is quite rightly beaming
Cooking their dinner with a smile on your mouth
They'll never guess what went on down south ;-)

Panic at the office....

How excited was I on Monday morn
To start my new job - my best suit I'd worn
I buzzed on the bell at my new work door
A big massive grin on my face I wore

They were all so friendly and happy they be
Oh my word my inner self is free!
I sat at my desk and logged on to the PC
And chuckled away - I is happy is me

Then the deep hidden panic began to rise
Oh God all the stuff I'd have to revise
The structure, the policies and organisation
Oh thank god I had Daisy to conversation

She calmed my nerves and said you've paid your dues
You know that this is the first day blues
You do your job well and it's just the reaction
To moving - this is your new life transaction

She was right you know - the next day was fine
And after that a jar of whiskey was mine
At the teams away day - the new girl won out
To a roar of staff "it's a fix" they shout!

So in conclusion I've made the very right move
Today was fantastic and this I can prove
I'm here on my blog bragging about
The new place I work as I love it no doubt! :-)

Welcome to the free world...

Yesterday I left my job of 23 years
Today I intend to sink a few beers
To celebrate the great escape
From the establishment who forced my fate

My ex-colleagues are talented folk
Very highly of them I have always spoke
The world is changing and not in a good way
And I wanted more than just the pay

I love my work and do it well
But the last three years have been close to hell
The many tasks I had to achieve
Seemed impossible to believe

I wish my ex-colleagues the very best
Because their patience must pass the test
In the years to come they must do more with less
And for little reward and lots of stress

But to you all I must point out
There's more to life, I have no doubt
So take a risk and hope it will pay
Because life is short and its the only way

To ensure your enjoyment and many happy years
So come on all you stagnant peers
Stand up and let your inner self speak
And get the lives you deserve and seek

I shall very much miss you all
But you can catch me here on my blog wall
To keep up-to-date and in touch
With me Mother of Stinky Boy and Fanny Fluff

It's true we have twins!

As I'm new to the blog thing I am feeling a need
To blog often so you'll forgive my speed
At giving you stories that are worthless and crap
As I ramble and tell you my book of blog scrap

Bert and I had a great night out
With Daisy Turnip, her man and Bailey boy scout
We discovered that they were our long lost twins
Separated at birth - cause we all like blue gins

The men are nicely acquainted with the finer things in life
Like good food, fine wine, whisky chasers and a very fine wife
Us women are scatty and have minds full of stuff
But love their men dearly or is this a bluff?

We know how each feels without having to say
What strange things we do cause its just our way
We know what each means when we say to each other
That we quietly understand the strains our lives cover

Working each day with our desks such a clutter
Our brains are no better and often we mutter
But its nice to have someone that already knows
What I meant to be say cause she know how it goes

Daisy Turnip - my hat off to you I must take
For interrupting my life for a much needed break

Is it a magpie or a stupid cat.....

Minnie Moo....


My cute little moggie is like a magpie
And it's costing me I say with a sigh
She likes to take shiny things in her sight
Especially when we're asleep at night

She steals my daughter's bracelets & brings them downstairs
A look of triumph is seen in her stare
She rolls on the floor in pure pleasure and delight
Whilst eyeing us up for the upcoming fight

It doesn't matter if she loses her prize
Because she knows where to get more that fit her size
I fear she's confused and a magpie at heart
But then she plays fetch like a dog - very smart

She's claims as her own my new hall rug
And lies and rubs on it looking smug
My ear plugs are maimed as shes plays her games
In my life I know there'll never be another cat the same

This is quite funny and endearing you say
I assure it's not and I'll make that cat pay
My best jewellery is mine and I'm not that soft
To Minnie Moo I say 'keeps your paws off'!.