My Center Parcs Memory

I remember approaching the park, the Center Parcs sign we see
We're are always inquistive, excited and happy as can be
The arrival lodge has staff full of smiles
While the cycle park has bikes travelled miles

We've laughed and we've ran to the centre of fun
I've lost count how many times this memory we've redone
To the original Elveden our memories now rest
Entering the centre the bakery smell was the best

When we learned of its fate, we felt bereaved
To Elveden our holiday cancelled so instead we did grieve
We had watched TV in horror, saw the terrible cost
Our hearts were saddened, an old friend was lost

When the park reopened we just had to be there
So we booked and ourselves we did prepare
With trepidation we travelled to the reinvented park
To see our new friend, a turning point it did mark

Laughing together to the centre of fun we ran
To build a new memory, as fast as we can
We marvelled and drank in the new sites galore
Martin Dalby had given us our Elveden and more

We raced to dive in to the famous water filled dome
My children safe and so free to roam
We've swam and we've splashed for so many days
Thinking back about this, my face smiles always

Late nights walking through the forest so dark
With log fires burning, the smell warms your heart
I get warm and fuzzy when these things I recall
Our kids have grown up at CP seems no time at all

These days are so precious for my family and me
Our photo album bursting for all to see
We shall always collect new memories in your park
Until our lives have ended and become dark

Center Parcs you have given us so many years of good times
From the late nights swimming, eating and fine wines
Our family salute you and all your staff too
For making our time together matter, we truly love you

Going Home for Summer

Oh Center Parcs, Oh Center Parcs
How I love you Center Parcs!!!!!

To Elveden Forest we did travel
With lots of luggage and girlie babble
The car weighed down as far as it would go
No wonder it was on the go slow

The three tarts in bikinis had so much fun
They were so sad when the holiday was done
But it was a memory not to be forgotten
To be remembered fondly as they grow and blossom

Bert and I had a fabulous time
Reading books and laughing while spending our dime
It was a taste of freedom and so we did roam
To the gym, restaurants and chillin at home

To the tarts in bikinis I raise a glass
Because this holiday was so class
To Laura - adorable and so sweet
And Kayleigh with tonsils as big as her feet

And finally to my darling Hollie
Thanks for making our holiday jolly
You are so special, beautiful and brave
We are so lucky to have you as our slave....oops I meant daughter!

Fat Day Dreamer

Losing fat is a funny thing
It hard and slow and so prolonging
It took many years to build up this physique
And now its a trim frame that I seek

I was sick of never looking good in clothes
But if you're fat that's the way it goes
I have looked like a marshmallow feeding on lard
And oh my god losing it was hard

It's took many months to curb my frame
My eating habits to never be the same
I have dropped 4 dress sizes and wobble no more
I now have hips, shoulders and nice bits galore

But one big downside or so my husband says
Is the reduction in size of my bust, I see his dismay
I think its great, they don't swing or flop
Look, he's lost loads of flab and at his tiny bits I don't pop

There's are chest exercises I could give a go
But I really want one for man's little bits that hang low
To enlarge this 'muscle' in the very right way
My mind has been wandering, I'm sorry I say

But the smile on my face is a right steamy beamer
I really do love being an old fart of a day dreamer
I should point out I pick on my hubby each day
And I confirm that his manhood is not small in any way ;o)

Life goes by so quickly...

Holy cow its September already and I cannot believe
That my little girl is fourteen and taller than me its hard to conceive
The idea that I'm aging as my son leaves school with grades galore
And for the first time in ages his Dad is not the tallest in our clan

Of them I'm very proud and am very privileged to have them as friends
For those of you who don't know them you're missing out
As they're the best kids in the world I have no doubt
They're funny and smart and very gorgeous I gloat

I feel very contented with life at the moment
Things are going very well - bad stuff can get bent
We've been through some crap in our family of late
But lady luck now shines on us I see

I wish all my dear friends who have grief right now
The best of luck with their problems and how
You must think good things for I believe its true
That the power of good thoughts will get you all through

Finally, to my husband I say this with all my heart
Don't worry being fourty just means you're an old fart!

Three Weeks of Hell

What a great idea that boring, rainy day I had
I'll change the bathroom suite - the old one is bad
I wanted to keep the cost of it nice and low
So a brain wave I thought - I'll do it myself and take it slow

It took all of three weeks to get it done
Whilst working full time and forsaking any fun
I tried very hard not to burn the house down
With a gas powered blow torch - my hubbie did frown

He sat on his arse playing Xbox and eating lots of nice stuff
While I was working my arse off soldering pipes - no bluff
My knees were in pain and had dents in the middle of them
But all my darling hubby did was moan - he was such a gem!

Despite all the upset in the house for this time
I tried my best to finish it quickly [no hubby strangling - no crime]
The new suite is fab and the family love it
I shall be proud that I did it and maybe even gloat a bit

But for those of you thinking "I could do that"
Think again and heed my advice - on your arse you could be sat
While you pay some poor sod to do all that crap
And you could be sat there on Xbox and not in a flap ;-)

Over the hill

There it was a hill of great mass
I was hoping the walk would tone my ass
As I began to ascend my face glowed red
And all my blood rushed to my head

Daisy pretended to not notice my plight
I was gasping for breath or was it the height
Of the Wrekin which to me is ever so big
Especially as I'm as fat as a pig!

I struggled and wobbled to the top of that beast
It must have been the the McDonalds for lunch we did feast
Hollie showed concern she thought I would die
For ever on top of that hill I would lie

But I made it up and over that hill
And after swallowed a pain relieving pill
My legs did hurt and made me sway
But I felt much better the very next day

The memories of David hitting that dog
Makes my mind hurt and begin to fog
I made all of this up of course - I don't want a fight
I'm sure Daisy is keen I put right this wrong right

So I will oblige and correct you all
David was pratting around and not nasty at all
He's just a big kid who hangs off trees
And has crunchy, nobbly and painful knees

I look forward to walking again with my friends
Hopefully this time I will not get the bends
My lovely daughter is also our new walking pal
What can I say she a hell of a gal!

Induction

This week I suffered an induction course
The temptation to yawn an overpowering force
Though I struggled at times I enjoyed my time
Learning skills a new and new friends are mine

There was John a fish as mad as can be
And James both big softies that I could see
Through their playful behaviour and boyish fun
I knew they had good hearts - pardon the pun

I now know good things like CPR
So if you're in trouble I will not be far
For your sake though I hope its not your heart
That requires me to pump it and let me restart

I also know icky infection control
Those bugs are everywhere like a toilet bowl
I am paranoid now that my toothbrush is full
Of pee and shit when the toilet handle I pull

And then there was the woman who came out
And for policy writing at me she did shout
I was actually impressed at how brave
She was to do what she did and her life she did save

I really did like my induction course time
I listened to get those new skills of mine
So now it is back to my new spangled job
To earn all those pennies and a few hundred bob